Steps to take when we are angry:
- Be slow to anger. Don’t express irritation for wrong purposes.
- Acknowledge anger. Journal. Pray.
- Think through goals. If I am angry because of a blocked goal, re-label it as a desire and reaffirm my commitment to ministry.
- Assume responsibility for the proper goal. First look at how I can minister. Example: express understanding of feelings or show appreciation.
- Express negative feelings if doing so serves a good purpose. Whether 2 minutes or two hours later, expressed annoyed feelings for the purpose of removing any wall of retreat or feelings of bitterness. Also for the purpose of enabling the other to understand better how their behavior affects them so that if they desire to minister they are able to reach their goal. This expression is not for the purpose of requesting that they change and it is not a requirement that they understand or respond in any particular way. (Awareness opportunity)
Bring up offenses rather that stuffing.
Have grace for mistakes.
How to respond when your spouse shares feelings. (Provides an awareness opportunity)
When I offend- If someone is hurt, focus on their feelings not on my intent. Say “What I hear you saying is…, I didn’t know that, thank you for telling me, I apologize, In the future I will…” Then, if you need to explain, ask for permission to explain.
Accept their feelings.
- Reflect
“It sounds like you feel….”
“I guess you really felt… When…”
- Clarify
“Are you saying that ….?”
“I wonder if you feel…?”
