Author: jgolling

I have seen it too many times … children who disregard their parents authority. They do not obey the first time, they show disregard for their parents authority and in worst cases, they are out of control. What happened? How did it get this way? In many cases, I believe that the parents have given their authority away to the kids. This leads us to Passionate Legacy Principle #2:

Accept your right and responsibility to train your children. The parents have been given the responsibility to train, care and provide for a household. With that comes the authority to determine and enforce the principles that will be lived out in the home. Be confident in your authority. Parents should not feel guilty for directing or disciplining their children. If your child doesn’t like you once in a while, that’s okay! Don’t make being a buddy such a high priority that you can’t be an effective leader. Deep down, children desire consistent boundaries, they provide security. If children are taught a moral code they have it to come back to if they ever stray, but if the moral code was never taught and enforced, then they have no moral code to return to.

This is the second brick in the foundation of Passionate Legacy, and it is essential if we are to leave a legacy of passion for Christ. Also, remember the first principle: Be a desirable example of godliness so that your children will choose it for themselves. These foundational principles relate to our identity and from this flows our actions in raising strong kids.

When we first started to follow Christ, we were so passionate about God and just worshipping Him and telling others about Jesus, it was as if that’s all there was. And then after a few years we get bogged down with the things and details of “church stuff” that we begin get our priorities mixed up. Our faith used to be an adventure, but now it is more like a weekend country club.

For many of us as Christian parents, we inadvertently give the impression that Christianity is about what we do and don’t do. We say it’s about a relationship with God, but we live a life that exhibits the fact that our Christianity is bound up in two things: rules and busyness. We don’t do certain unbecoming things (at least not openly) and we busy ourselves in the multitude of programs, Bible studies, seminars, so-called “ministry opportunities”, and church events that keep us safely ensconced behind the fortress walls of our church buildings or within our tight circle of Christian friends. We surround ourselves with all the accoutrements of middleclass suburban evangelicalism and we don’t realize that we have traded our passion for glory, we have left the adventure for the country club.

Our children see the protected shell that we call Christianity and it’s no wonder they want out. God has placed within us a longing for adventure. Our kids have that longing and the irony of the situation is: if we were truly living out our faith as the passionate adventure that it was intended to be, they would actually be drawn to it, rather than repelled by it.

Is your faith a passionate adventure or a safe hideaway?

What makes a leader worth following?

What makes a person influential to those around them?

Think of a person who you really want to be like. What about that person caused you to want to be like him or her?

Now ask yourself … do my kids want to be like me? Do they want to follow me? When they are young we can make them follow us … but before long they will make the decision on their own.

I am not talking about being a “buddy” or a “friend” to your child, this is LEADERSHIP here. Effective leaders are people who draw others to themselves through their character, integrity, proficiency and concern for those that follow them. They gain influence by earning trust and respect.

As Christian parents it is our calling to lead our children to choose a godly lifestyle through our godly lifestyle. To do whatever it takes to be the type of Christian leaders of our homes that are worth following.

Some parents see their job as convincing their kids that Christianity is true or trying to push them into adopting a biblical world view. The problem here is that no one is ever “convinced” or “pushed” into a world view. People adopt a world view based on a combination of their observations, experiences and beliefs that they have chosen. For parents to think that they will choose their children’s world view is a fallacy that is extremely detrimental in how they parent their children.

Peter tells Christian wives who are married to unbelieving men … “if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives” (1 Peter 3:1). This idea of winning them over without words, but through the way we live our lives is very instructive for the parent.

Many Christian parents want their kids to share their beliefs, but the lives of the parents often communicate to the kids that “Christianity doesn’t work!” It has to start with us. It has to start with our lives. It has to start with winning them over “without words”.