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Theology

Accidental Legalism

Sandra

Most Christians know that they are saved by grace, but once saved, many people live their lives as if their continued favor in the sight of God is based upon their good moral life or actions.  Even those of us who knew that we were loved by our parents, know the feeling of shame that comes from disappointing our mom or dad.  Unfortunately, many of us carry the shame of parental disapproval based on our action into our relationship with God.  Whether it was meant or not, we got the message that we were not acceptable when we did bad things.  We confuse seeing the behavior as bad, with seeing ourselves as bad.

There are many ways that we can be deceived or blind.  One example is not recognizing our ability to believe two or more conflicting things at the same time.  We believe one thing deep inside while professing another thing with our conscious minds.  Our professed doctrine and internal beliefs are at odds with each other, because what we truly believe in our hearts and what we think we believe can be two different things.  Many Christians profess to believe that we are saved by faith, not by works, but live out a gospel of good behavior and dependence on self-effort.  If we don’t examine our deeply held beliefs, we may accidentally fall into legalism.

Legalism– In theology, legalism is defined as the doctrine that salvation or “favor from God,” is gained through good works, and the judging of conduct in terms of adherence to precise laws or commands.

There are several types of legalism, but the type I am addressing is not the type that claims that salvation is gained by works, but the type that practices Christianity as if obeying rules and regulations was the main point.  In this distortion, the keeping of God’s laws is seen as an end in itself.  A person tries hard to follow the laws, and when they keep them, they have achieved the goal of being a “good Christian,” and when they break the laws they are not a “good Christian.”  The goal becomes earning affirmation and worthiness from those in authority through being good.

 However, the truth is, God wants us to experience the freedom and Life that Adam and Eve experienced in the Garden.  He wants to rescue our hearts, not our behavior.  God is the source of Life.  As we are loved alive by Him, we begin to see the truth of who He is, who we are, and how life is meant to be lived.  As the lies that we believed are uncovered, we begin to internalize Truth, and our behavior will change as a result of Truth, rather than will-power. But our good behavior isn’t the goal.  The goal is Life.  God’s power, not ours transforms our hearts and gives us Life.

These two descriptions may sound very similar because they both result in changed behavior but the difference is in the purpose, power, and motivation for following God.

These are the Main Components to a Legalistic Approach:

We try really hard to follow all of God’s laws, and we get really good at it, and it feels good.  We alternate between pride and self-condemnation.  We define sin to include only behaviors, so that we can follow all of the laws and see ourselves as “good Christians.”  We blind ourselves to our own personal sin.  If we were to see that our pursuit of security and significance in success or goodness is just as sinful, it would destroy the sense of value we gain from being good.  This blindness to sin leads to a sense of pride from earning our goodness by being good.  But, we eventually fail to live up to this standard, so we experience self-condemnation and believe that we are worse than everyone else, and therefore worthless.

We see everything as either black or white.  Everything is interpreted in terms of whether it is absolutely right or wrong; sin or not sin.  “Being right” is made to be the highest priority.  At any point in time, we feel we can evaluate ourselves as either being “in sin” or not being “in sin”.  We are either “on the right path” or “in disobedience”.  And we tend to evaluate others this way as well.  People are seen according to their being in or out of sin.

In a sense, we believe perfection is possible.  We believe that if we are really committed to Christ and we try our very hardest to follow all of the rules, we could do it.   We believe that those who struggle spiritually are morally defective, including ourselves.  We believe leaders can and should be morally perfect, or at least spiritually superior.  We put them on a pedestal and believe they have achieved holiness, and we compare ourselves to them and wonder what is wrong with us.  Then when we see them fail in some way we are shocked, and disillusioned, because it doesn’t make any sense with our belief that people are either good or bad, sinless or sinful.

We find ourselves laying guilt and shame on others. We shame others by pointing out their failures. “You have not loved well, cared well or tried hard enough.”  “You have not been a good enough son, daughter, or Christian.”  If you were a good Christian, you would- fill in the blank.  We shame ourselves as well.  The goal of this shame is behavior change.  We believe that shame is a good motivator.

Over time we find ourselves judging others. We find others guilty and we condemn them.  We see ourselves as having sinned less than others and we believe that puts us above them; in a position to judge.  We entertain feelings of superiority, indignation, and condemnation toward others who have sinned.  We punish others by yelling, intimidating, and withholding relationship.  We may call this Matthew 18, but if is punitive or done without humility, gentleness, and patience, it is not Matthew 18. Whether our judgment is acted out, or is only in our hearts, this is not our role as fellow sinners and strugglers (Matt. 7:1-5; John 8:3-8; Rom. 2:1-3; James 4:11-12).  Judging and punishing others only makes sense if we believe that behavior is the most important thing, and that people can avoid sin and, in a sense, be perfect if they try hard enough.  But neither of these premises are true.

We see those who have made mistake as “damaged goods.”  We lose respect for them because of their “failure.”  This thinking applies to ourselves as well.  We believe that once we mess up we are ruined.  We missed the standard and we are left with no way back.  We are overcome with feelings of failure, shame, worthlessness and defeat.

We force ourselves to behave in ways that we really don’t believe in.  We are constantly conflicted within ourselves because we want to be good, so we do those good things, but we don’t really want to do the good things, and we are actually bitter about having to do those good things, but we really don’t know why or with whom.

Legalism is a whole system or false beliefs.  One false belief leads to another.  And legalism can be practiced without God.  If we are able to be sinless by trying hard, we don’t need God’s power or his grace.  If we can be perfect by trying hard, we have every reason to be prideful and self-righteous.  If we have our own righteousness, then we don’t need the righteousness of Christ.

No one would ever purposely decide to be a legalistic Christian, but our experiences, false interpretations, or distorted teachings that we hear, influence our deeply held beliefs.  Over time we find ourselves accepting certain lies and practices, and we end up becoming legalistic in our approach to Christianity.

If we want to experience the Life that God has for us and a true heart change, we need to make ourselves available to the Holy Spirit to illuminate any lies that we have unintentionally come to believe.

When we stop focusing on our own will-power to change our behavior, and we open ourselves up to the work of the Holy Spirit to transform our hearts by his love and grace, our lives become an outflow of our identity as dearly loved children.

When we understand and experience the truth of God’s Grace, we begin to see ourselves the way God sees us.  When we stop expecting perfection of ourselves, shaming ourselves, judging ourselves, and punishing ourselves, we stop doing it to others.  We will never be able to accomplish this by sheer will power.  We need the Holy Spirit to illuminate the lies we have adopted, so that He can transform our hearts rather than just our behavior.  This is the ongoing process of spiritual growth.

 

Theology

Salvation

Sandra

The simplest understanding of salvation is being saved from eternal punishment.

This is true. Salvation from judgement is based on acceptance or rejection of Jesus.  When I believe that Jesus’ death on the cross paid for my sin, and I accept God’s gift, then the penalty of sin is settled.  I will not face condemnation or judgment.

So when you think about judgement, only think about what you believe about Jesus. Whether or not we receive the penalty of sin is based completely on our belief about Jesus.  This is legal or judicial salvation.  But, “forgiveness of sin” is not the whole Gospel. Salvation according to the Bible is so much more.

The Bible talks about a second way that we are saved from sin.  We are saved from the control of sin.  We used to be slaves to sin; we had to obey sin.   And we were experiencing the deadly results of it every day.  But God has set us free!  He has given us salvation from slavery.  Romans 6:17-18 says, “You used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.”   Romans 6:20 says, “When you were slaves to sin you were free from the control of righteousness.”  And Romans 6:22 says, “You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God.”  If you believe that sin is good for you, then this may not sound like good news, but if you believe that sin leads to the death and destruction of your soul, then salvation from the control of sin is very good news!

We all believe many lies.  Some of yours may be:

No one loves me.

I am not worth anything.

Someone’s love will give me value.

God does not care about me.

God cannot forgive me.

Money will give me happiness and security.

I don’t need people.

I need to be perfect to be acceptable.

Lies go against the truth of who we are and who God is, and therefore they are sin.  Lies lead to more sin.  Sin destroys our lives.  But God wants to rescue us from sin.  He wants to breathe truth into us and give us Life.

I have been freed from so many of these lies, but I still have so many more to defeat.  This is what it means to fight evil.  I think that is the work of participating in our salvation beginning now.  These lies are sin that is still lingering after the forgiveness has been granted.  We are no longer slaves to these lies.  We can be free from them, but it will take reliance on God and receiving his truth.  Salvation from sin’s daily control, is the ongoing work of fighting evil by believing truth. God doesn’t do this by himself, this is the part that we have to participate in. This is how we grow in our own ability to live according to our design.  This is the process of sanctification.  When we are reborn in Christ we are positionally righteous, and it is not based on our works, but it will take a while to learn how to be “actually” righteous.

We have been set free from the control of sin but that doesn’t mean that we are free from the influence of sin.  We are still in a spiritual battle.  That is why we are told in First Peter 5:8-9, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him.”  And we are told in Ephesians 6:11 to “Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.”  We have collected a lifetime of lies to believe, we will not conquer them in one day or even one year.  It will take a lot of battle in the spirit with the power of truth on our side to uncover and defeat them.

Experiencing redemption from the penalty of sin is definitely a gift to celebrate, but when we experience the truth of God’s love, unconditional acceptance, unmerited favor, compassion, and kindness, it’s even better. We experience this when we snip our ties of dependence from everything else and depend on God alone.  He catches us.  He fills us full of Life.  When we experience freedom from the bondage of sin and all of its lies, it’s so freeing. It is like a second salvation.  Each new encounter with truth, and the falling away of another death-producing-lie, is like a new salvation.  The biggest salvation is knowing and accepting the truth of God’s love for you.

The cross was motivated out of love- not anger, I think many people miss that.  We see God as judge, and He is.  He had to judge sin, but it is finished.  Now, we only experience Him as “Father”, not “Judge”. We are His beloved children.  We need to spend time getting refilled by His abundant love.

So we don’t let go of sin because we fear losing our salvation, or God’s acceptance (although that would not happen anyway) but because we want Life, not death.  Life is being restored to who you were created to be, restored to your original design.  Think about what happens when a computer gets a virus. The computer no longer functions the way it should and if you don’t eradicate the virus, eventually you get the “blue screen of death”.  It is the same with us, when we allow sin in by believing lies, we begin functioning in ways that destroy our lives.  We begin to die, but when we eradicate the lies and become dependent on our Source again, we come back to Life.

Salvation should communicate a bigger picture than to just “stop being bad and be good”.  It should communicate the importance of coming back to the Life that God created us for; Life as God designed it to work.  Jesus did not die to make us into “good people”, he died to give us Life.  When we return to dependence on God as the Source, we benefit from experiencing Life as God created it to be.  Turning from our sin is not just a means to escape condemnation, it is the way back to Life.

Relationships

Healthy Relationship Principles

Sandra

Healthy Relationship Principles:

The goal of agreeing to observe these principles is to build deep, positive, meaningful, respectful, healthy, long-lasting, loving relationships.  Love cannot be demanded or forced, it must be cultivated through numerous positive interactions and honoring behavior which leads to good feelings and mutual trust.  Negative interactions, poor communication skills, and poor boundaries erode trust and feelings of love, and eventually kill relationships.  Hopefully these principles applied to your relationships will lead to the healing of old wounds. the rebuilding of trust and love, and result in deeper and more meaningful relationships than ever before.

As a healthy, responsible person I will do my best to:

  1. Set healthy boundaries for myself regarding the things that are mine (my body, my choices, my time, my emotions, my beliefs, my possessions, etc.), and not take on false guilt for doing so.
  2. Honor the boundaries of others by allowing others to make choices regarding their body, time, possessions, etc. and not impose false guilt on them for doing so.
  3. Accept the fact that I cannot make rules for the way other people behave towards me, speak to me, treat me, or live their lives because I cannot control them and they are not accountable to me, they are accountable to God. Other people are outside of my boundaries.  I can only control the way I behave and respond.  (Matt. 7:1-5; Luke 6:37-38; Rom. 12:19; 1 Cor. 4:5; James 4:11-12)
  4. Respond to an offense in a Christ-like manner. I can decide to respond in a Christ-like manner to an offense or not.  [A Christ -like response to an offense would be to express my pain or desire at an appropriate time, in a kind way, and/or remove myself from the situation as long as necessary for emotional and spiritual health.  There is never an excuse for responding to evil with evil.]  (Matt. 5:21-22; Matt. 5:38-42; Matt. 18:33; Luke 6:29-31; Rom. 12:17-19; James 1:19-20; 1 Pet. 3:8-9; Prov. 19:11; and Prov. 29:11; 2 Tim. 2:23-24; Titus 3:3-5)
  5. I will only confront in love, not in angry retaliation. I will only confront in a constructive and beneficial way.  The goal of confrontation should always be to restore the relationship between two people and between each person and God.  The goal should never be to punish or to vent angry feelings.  The manner of confrontation should always be gentle.  (Matt 5:23-24; Matt. 18:15-20; Gal 6:1; Eph. 4:2-3; Col. 3:12-14; 2 Tim. 2:25-26)
  6. Be responsible to others, but not for others. [This means loving others by being kind in my words and actions and occasionally helping them with burdens, such as crisis or tragedy (medical crisis, death in the family, abuse crisis), things they cannot do for themselves.  But I do not need to take on responsibility for things that are within another person’s boundaries [(finances, deadlines, care of possessions, etc. (their “own load.”)] (Gal. 6:2-5)
  7. Be responsible for:  My own daily responsibilities (my own load- my own feelings, responsibilities, behaviors, choices, attitudes, thoughts). (Gal. 6:5)
  • Feelings- My feelings are my problem, no one else is responsible for making me feel a certain way. If I want to feel better, I have to change something that I can control, rather than try to get other people to change. If I feel a certain way, it is my responsibility to behave in a Christ-like way regardless of what others do.
  • Responsibilities-Providing for myself financially, meeting deadlines, transportation, care of and managing my own possessions.
  • Behaviors-I need to face the consequences of my own behaviors and not expect anyone to bail me out of my messes. Also, I should not rescue others from the consequences of their behavior because it robs them of learning to make better choices.
  • Choices- I am responsible for my choices. I can never blame someone else for my choices.  I don’t have to give in to pressure, guilt, or anger from others.  I am free to make my own choices and take responsibility for them.
  • Attitudes-It is my job to identify and change my wrong attitude about life rather than except the world and people around me to change. I am the only one who can change my attitude.
  • Thoughts- I own my own thoughts, I need to question my thinking, to see where I may be wrong. And I must grow in knowledge and understanding.
  1. Behave assertively. Assertiveness is about finding a middle way between aggression and passivity that best respects the personal boundaries of everyone. Assertive people express their needs and desires without demanding.  An assertive person says “no” when they want to, and they remove themselves from a situation that is emotionally or physically destructive.  Assertive people defend themselves when someone else attempts to dominate them, even using force if necessary, to repel the invasion attempt. Domination is when someone tries to exert control over someone’s decisions or body.
  2. Assertively state requests as desires, rather than aggressive demands. (Ex. “Could you be home on time in the future? I would really appreciate it.”) And be willing to accept the outcome whether it is what I think is right or not, because I should not make a goal of something that I cannot control (i.e. other people.).
  3. Express my feelings at an appropriate time in an appropriate way when my feelings are hurt. (see Steps to take when we are angry)
  4. Not behave in an aggressive or dominating way. I will avoid criticizing, blaming, name calling, yelling, threatening, intimidating, belittling, and manipulating. (Gal. 5:20; Eph. 4:29-31; Col. 3:8)  I will not impose my will on another person and force them to submit, because it is an invasion of and disrespectful of their personal boundaries.
  1. Not behave passively- Passivity occurs when a person submits to another person’s dominance play by putting their own wishes and desires aside to fulfil the wishes and desires of the dominant person.
  2. Remove myself from any situation that seems threatening, aggressive, or too emotionally charged to be beneficial. I may say…”I need to take a time out.” or “Let’s come back to this when we both have had a chance to calm down.”

 

Relationships

Communication Skills

Sandra

Communication skills:

I statements- The purpose is clean and clear communication.  Explain what is true for you.  Don’t use “you” statements. Don’t say anything about what the other person should do.  Only communicate what you feel or need.   Communicate clearly how strong your feelings are with your words not your volume.  Speak for yourself.  Don’t use “everyone” or “we” statements.  If you don’t know something as fact, don’t state it as fact, just say “I think”.

Clarifying questions- Don’t assume that you know what someone is saying.  Don’t fill in the box.  Ask questions to find out exactly what they are saying.

Paraphrase- Repeat back in your own words. “What I hear you saying…”  Ask if that is what they are saying.  Especially needed when you are listening to something you disagree with.

Awareness opportunities- Receive Awareness opportunities. When someone tells you something about yourself or that they don’t like something, listen.  Accept it.  See it as a gift.  Someone is providing you with a look at the way they see things.  Take it well.  Also, stand up for yourself, give awareness opportunities.  Example: “I don’t like it when you call me sunshine.”

When I Offend- If someone is hurt by you, focus on their feelings not on your intent. (This is an awareness opportunity)  Say “What I hear you saying is…, I didn’t know that, thank you for telling me, I apologize, In the future I will…”   Then, if you need to explain, ask for permission to explain.

Treat each other’s ideas and opinions with due consideration. This means listening to another person’s ideas, opinions, and advice with an open mind. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with them, give them the benefit of thinking about what they have said and weighing the pros and cons. You might be surprised at what you discover when you give their ideas some thought.

See the problem as the enemy, not each other.  See yourselves as being on the same team, working together to solve the problem.

Change blocked goals to desires

Don’t guess at motivation

Bring up offenses rather that stuffing

Balance positives and negatives

Give regular affirmation

Have grace for mistakes

Stay on topic

Relationships

How to Confront or Talk About an Issue

Sandra

How to Confront or Talk About an Issue:

  1. Define the issue.

Disagreements, differing opinions (attitudes, feelings, motives, behaviors)

Decide if it is an issue to confront, feelings of your own to share, or you would like to work at getting on the same page on a particular issue.

  1. Overlook Minor Offenses

Overlook: Proverbs 19:11; 12:16; 20:3

Drop the matter: Proverbs 17:14

Bear with one another; Keep unity and peace, forgive each other Eph. 4:2-3; 4:31-32

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you have Col. 3:13

Turn the other cheek Matt. 5:38-39

  1. Check your Attitude and Change it

Get rid of anger: Eph. 4:31; James 1:19-20; Prov. 20:11; Ecc. 7:9; Prov. 15:18; Col. 3:8; Matt. 5:22; Psalm 37:8-9 If anger is a result of a blocked goal, change it to a desire.

Recommit to Ministry rather than control or judge: Phil. 2:3; 1 Pet. 4:10; Matt. 20:27-28; Rom. 12:10; Eph. 5:21-22 and 25-28

What attitude should you have?

A desire to “win him over,” Matt. 18

A desire to “restore him gently.” Gal. 6:1

Humble Gal. 6:3-4

Humble, gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love Eph. 4:2

A desiring for unity and peace Eph. 4:3

Compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient Col 3:12

A desire to bear with him and forgive him Col 3:13

Love Col. 3:14

A desire for unity and peace Col. 3:14-15

Not a desire to quarrel 2 Tim. 2:24

Kind, not resentful 2 Tim. 2:24

Gentle 2 Tim. 2:25

A desire that God would grant him repentance 2 Tim 2:25

A desire that they would escape the trap of the devil 2 Tim 2:26

A desire to reconcile Matt. 5:23-24

A lack of judgment or punishment Luke 6:37-42; Matt 7:1-5; John 8:7; James 4:11-12; Rom. 2:1-3

A lack of anger Eph. 4:31; James 1:19-20; Prov. 20:11; Ecc. 7:9; Prov. 15:18; Col. 3:8; Matt. 5:22; Psalm 37:8-9

A lack of retaliation 1 Peter 3:9; Rom. 12 17

  1. The Goal:

Rescue him from the trap of the devil (2 Tim. 2:25—26)

Win him over (Matt. 18:15)

Restore him (Gal. 6:1)

Unity, Peace, To Forgive him (Col. 3: 12-14; Eph. 4:2-3;)

Repentance (2 Tim. 2:25—26)

Reconciliation (Matt. 5:23-24)

Relationships

When Angry

Sandra

Steps to take when we are angry:

  1. Be slow to anger.  Don’t express irritation for wrong purposes.
  2. Acknowledge anger.  Journal.  Pray.
  3. Think through goals.  If I am angry because of a blocked goal, re-label it as a desire and reaffirm my commitment to ministry.
  4. Assume responsibility for the proper goal.  First look at how I can minister. Example: express understanding of feelings or show appreciation.
  5. Express negative feelings if doing so serves a good purpose.  Whether 2 minutes or two hours later, expressed annoyed feelings for the purpose of removing any wall of retreat or feelings of bitterness.  Also for the purpose of enabling the other to understand better how their behavior affects them so that if they desire to minister they are able to reach their goal.  This expression is not for the purpose of requesting that they change and it is not a requirement that they understand or respond in any particular way.   (Awareness opportunity)

 

Bring up offenses rather that stuffing.

Have grace for mistakes.

How to respond when your spouse shares feelings. (Provides an awareness opportunity)

When I offend- If someone is hurt, focus on their feelings not on my intent. Say “What I hear you saying is…, I didn’t know that, thank you for telling me, I apologize, In the future I will…”   Then, if you need to explain, ask for permission to explain.

Accept their feelings.

  1. Reflect

“It sounds like you feel….”

“I guess you really felt… When…”

  1. Clarify

“Are you saying that ….?”

“I wonder if you feel…?”

Theology

Belief

Sandra

The simple definition of saving belief in the Bible, is the belief that Jesus is God’s son and he died on the cross in my place for the payment of my sin. The Bible teaches that this belief results in salvation. This is the truth.

But I think that what we believe, beyond the simple definition, affects what we are saved from.

I think it is possible to believe very little of the full beautiful gospel, and to be saved in a legal way, but miss out on being saved in the fullest way that God intends/desires us to be saved.

The implications of the cross are huge.  I think that we stop too short in our belief.  Each aspect of the gospel requires unpacking, and we need to examine our beliefs about each aspect to experience salvation in the fullest sense.

There is so much more to believe or not believe.

Who is God?

God is love.  All his motivations are out of love.  God is good. I can trust him. He is the source of life. He is the power source of our freedom.  He is in control. I am not.  He is the rightful authority.  He has the truth about how life should be lived.

If you don’t believe he is good you may hate, or fear him.

If you don’t believe he is your source, you may not experience his power.

You may believe that Jesus died for your sins, but not really trust God’s way of life. You may continue to make decisions for yourself about how to live.

Who are we?  What does it mean for us to be restored to our original design?

The truth is that you are God’s prized creation.  You possess dignity. You are worthy of respect.  You are worthy of high esteem. You are God’s chosen and adopted child.  You are a loved son or a loved daughter. You are a citizen of heaven.  You are God’s heir.  You are worth dying for. You are worth saving.  You are worth loving every day of eternity. God’s love is the source of all of our needs, and our very life.  God’s love provides our identity, value, confidence, and security.   We would become dependent upon God to get our needs met for love, significance and affirmation.

Do you believe this, or do you chronically struggle with looking to sources other than God? Do you go to other things to meet your needs, because you believe that they will fill you?

What is the truth about the world and its values?

Humanity and the whole world system is broken and needs fixing. Do you believe that there is anything to be saved from?  We may really believe that the world is just fine.

What is our Purpose?

What is our mission in the world?

You could also believe so many versions of the gospel.  If we don’t examine our beliefs, we can easily go very wrong.

If you believed that the message of the gospel was that you would go to hell if you didn’t pray a prayer, then you might pray a prayer out of fear and then just go back to living your life your own way.

If you believed that God is primarily an angry judge, then you might live in fear of sinning and losing God’s love. You might live in shame because you can’t live up to God’s standards, and give up in defeat.

If you believe that God only accepts those who perform you may work tirelessly to earn his approval but never reach your goal.

If you believe that God is primarily a loving father who has your best interest in mind you will receive life from his love, and desire to follow him.

If you believe God’s original design for life was good, you will want to return to it.

This is all complicated by the fact that we can hold contradictory beliefs at the same time. We have many subconscious beliefs, that are opposed to the intellectual belief that we think we have.

We should be searching ourselves to discover what we really believe.  It doesn’t do any good to force ourselves to live according to truths that we don’t believe.  It won’t work, because actions flow out of our deepest subconscious beliefs.

I think that if we want to be completely restored to our original design, and experience the abundant life that God offers, and experience God himself, then there is so much more to believe then the fact that Jesus died for our sin.

See the next post for an exploration of the concept of Salvation.

Theology

The Gospel is Bigger

Sandra

When I was first introduced to the gospel, Sin was defined for me as actions or thoughts that were against God’s law.  Belief referred to believing that Christ died for my sins, and Salvation was defined as being saved from eternal punishment.

I learned that the important steps to growing as a Christian were to read the Bible, pray, witness, go to church, and live a holy life.

This is a true and simple presentation of the gospel, but sometimes I think the gospel gets made so simple that is loses everything that is beautiful and powerful about it.  The gospel is so much bigger.  I think that by simplifying it, we lose out on the fuller concepts.  It is the fuller concepts of Sin, Salvation and Belief that have changed my life.

Sin

In the garden, Eve’s sin was not just eating the fruit when she was told not to.  Her sin started when she believed that she could find wisdom and life apart from God. The action was a result of something much deeper at work, believing the lie.

We were designed to be dependent upon God for affection, wisdom, leadership, protection, and Life.  The beginning of all sin is believing that we can find a source of Life, other than God.  We allow sin in when we believe that we know, better than God, how to live an abundant and meaningful life.  We sin when we don’t trust God with our lives.  All of our sin actions flow out of our sin beliefs.

When we overlook sin at the level of belief, we are missing the root of our sin actions.  How will we ever change our actions if we don’t discover our beliefs and examine them?  And what good is managing our actions on the outside, if we are still not experiencing abundant Life, because of our faulty beliefs that we hold on the inside?

Sin is far more than immoral thoughts and behaviors.  Sin encompasses everything that we believe, think, or do that is not in accordance with our original design.  Sin includes all of our values, pursuits, aspirations, anything and everything that is even slightly off from what God had in mind for us.  Sin is all of the ways that we are deceived, and how we live out that deception.  All lies lead to death, not life.  Sin is the influence that we let in, that leads to death not life.  We all struggle every single day with looking to sources other than God for life.  We try to find love, significance, affirmation and security from sources like our parents, spouses, jobs, and children, just to name a few.  We do this in small ways, like wishing that we would get more respect, affection, praise, or appreciation. Even if we control our behavior and don’t do any action that is listed in the Bible as sin, the belief that we could find life in these things rather than God, is, in a very real sense, living in sin.

The simple definition of sin is a clear, black-and-white list of do’s and don’ts.  It is easy to mistakenly believe that if we are following all of these rules, then we are living without sin.  But if we don’t depend on God, then the essence of sin is at work deep in our soul, and we are still not receiving life or living in a way that brings life.  Living a good Christian life devoid of a dependent connection with God is not living a good Christian life, it is living a good moral life.  Salvation from sin is not merely salvation from the sin actions, but the sin attitude of self-reliance in any given moment.  If we ever want to experience abundant life, we need to acknowledge the spiritual battle over our daily beliefs that keep us from looking to The Source.

There will never be a point in time where I will be able to claim to be without sin.  We have way more sin in our lives than a list of rules could ever uncover.

Now don’t think I am trying to say that because we are more sinful than we used to believe, that we should feel more judgement or shame than we did before.  As Christians, there is no need for experiencing judgment or shame in the first place.  Jesus took away our shame completely, once and for all, when he died on the cross.

Rather than thinking of sin in terms of making you good or bad, think of Sin in terms of making you dead or alive.  I am saying that we are actually more dead than we thought, not more evil than we thought.  God wants to save us from our sin which encompasses all of our false beliefs and empty pursuits, and He desires instead to give us Life; a life that He had designed for us all along, a Life that flows from a deep connection to, and dependence on, His Life-giving Spirit; the Spirit who is working in our hearts to nourish and transform.

See the following Blog for an exploration of the concept of Belief.

My Journal

Idol of Intelligence

Sandra

One of the first things that my counselor asked me was “Why do you give him so much power?”  She was referring to the ability that John had, to make me feel stupid.  And how I would become so angry at him for making me feel stupid because, as it turns out, I held a belief that I had no talent or beauty to speak of, but at least I had my intelligence.  My intelligence was the one thing that I thought gave me value.  I thought I was worthless without it.  So when he made a comment that struck that nerve, it would threaten my whole sense of self-worth.  For example, he would say “I’ve never heard that verse interpreted that way before” and I would hear, “you are stupid”.  I couldn’t feel “ok” about myself if I believed that he believed that I was not intelligent, so I needed him to believe that I was intelligent to feel like I had worth.  When the counselor helped me realize that I had been giving him the power to take away my value, I was shocked.  A lot had to change; I had to find new ways of thinking.   I had to admit that John wasn’t really guilty of “making me” feel stupid.  I had to take responsibility for being so insecure that I was completely dependent on him believing the right things.  It was not fair of me to read into his motives something that was not there, and it was not fair of me to make rules for what he believed. I needed to stop trying to control him.

I needed to release John from the role of providing me a positive view of myself.  I could no longer rely on John as my source of confidence.  It should never be a goal to change anyone or the way they think.  I am releasing this goal.  It is a desire that I will take to God.  I can’t change the way John thinks about me.  I need to know the truth about myself and not give anyone the power to change that.  I need to be “ok” regardless of what others think of me.  I am going to release my need to protect my weaknesses and take the attitude of the ditzy blonde that is not embarrassed by not knowing things.

I see now that I was evaluating my value based on the wrong things.  I am not valuable because of my positive traits; I am valuable because of the personhood inside of me that was made in the image of God, because God chose me and adopted me, because Jesus sacrificed his life for me, because God has given me a significant purpose in life.  Because of these things I am valuable and I can esteem myself well.

I have always believed that God loved me, but that didn’t mean I was lovable.  I didn’t see God’s love as providing my value.  Now I believe that I am completely valuable, and yet, I am only valuable because of God, not because of myself. So with my acknowledgement of my self-worth, comes a healthy humility.

Now I think- “maybe I am intelligent/gifted/pretty, maybe I’m not” but I don’t have the feeling that my value is somehow threatened if I’m not.  I feel secure in the stability of receiving my value from the right place.

My new found security has allowed me to be able to love and serve others in a way that I couldn’t before.  I wasn’t able to minister to John because I was too busy trying to protect my crippled self-worth.  I was empty and had nothing to give.  But when all of my needs for love and acceptance are met by God, I am full, and I can give out of the overflow.

Personal Growth

Phantom Wound

Sandra

I wonder if sometimes we experience a painful event and we become very wounded by that specific event.  And I wonder if we have certain wounds that we use as a lens to evaluate every situation from that point forward.  Whenever something pokes that wound, we feel the pain all over again or we hear accusation as if it’s the first time.  We go for years and years or even decades of thinking that we are receiving the same message.  But what if we are really not?  What if our lens of pain is causing us to see things that are not there, or maybe to see things that were never even there in the first place?

I recently watched an episode of This Is Us where Kevin is in a therapy session and tells his family about the pain he felt as a child.  He felt like his brother was his mother’s favorite, and his sister was his father’s favorite.  And he had no one.  He felt like a fifth wheel.  He developed a voice in his head that repeated and said, “You are not enough”.  He tried to drown that voice out with things like football, acting, fame, and then when that didn’t work out, he tried to drown the pain in prescription drugs.

His mother admits that his brother was “easier” to love.  When we see Kevin’s childhood footage, we see that he did experience times that might feel like rejection.  But at the same time he was very loved. The truth was that he had thousands of experiences where his parents reached out to him in love.  But Kevin didn’t remember the love that he experienced, he only remembered the pain.  In the footage of his childhood we also saw how angry, jealous, mean and disrespectful Kevin behaved as a child and how difficult he made it for anyone to love him.  His rejection was a self-fulfilling prophecy.  He believed everyone would reject him, so he was angry with them.  His anger came out in treating everyone poorly, and that made it harder for anyone to get close to him.  Also, he believed that he would see rejection, and so he noticed all of the things that could be construed as rejection.  And he failed to notice any of the ways that his family tried to love him.

I wonder if we do this too. One bad experience is used to color everything.  We let our feelings tell us what people must have done to us.  Everyone has their lens that they see things through to interpret events in our lives.  And everyone has feelings that are a result of that interpretation.  I wonder if we could be more open to checking to see if we are seeing things with clear vision.

I wonder if my parents were as neglectful as I experienced them to be.  I wonder if there were hundreds of happy and loving interactions that I just don’t have any memory of.

Early in our marriage John pointed out little mistakes of mine, like forgetting to turn the lights off or hanging the toilet paper the wrong way.  But he learned to have more grace and he stopped pointing out small things.  But those comments had already hurt me.  I felt like he expected perfection and that he was always judging me.

But now as I look back I remember hearing John’s angry voice ringing in my ears each time I made a little mistake, and I would feel more hurt, judged, and angry, even though he had never said one word about those issues for 15 years.  He wasn’t judging me, or saying anything, or even thinking anything.  I was taking something that happened 15 years prior and allowing it to control my thoughts and feelings in the present.  I don’t think he even judged me when he first brought up those things early in our marriage.  But it hurt, so I thought he “hurt” me, and it lodged itself deep.

Sometimes I share an opinion with John and I am not asking him to agree with me, or do anything, I’m just sharing what I think, and the way he reacts, makes me think he is feeling something that is a reaction to something much deeper than what I just shared.  Could he be believing that I am thinking things about him that I’m not even thinking? Could he be hearing accusations where there are none?

I wonder if we all imagine people saying things that they never said.

“I don’t care about you”

“You are stupid”

“You are not good at your job”

“You have to be perfect”

“I don’t love you”

“You are a burden”

“You are not worthwhile”

And we become hurt over and over even though no one is hurting us.  Maybe it’s our own voice yelling inside our head or some voice from the past but not this person.

A phantom limb is the sensation that an amputated or missing limb is still attached.  People with amputated limbs will sometimes feel pain in the limb that does not even exist.  I think we carry phantom wounds deep inside.   We feel hurt and we believe that someone is hurting us, but if we look more closely, they aren’t.  The pain is real, but it is coming from a phantom wound.